Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize