saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
