i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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