sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
