Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
