Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
