I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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