I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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