he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
