You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
