I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
