I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
