i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
