Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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