I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
