can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
