woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
