That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
