saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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