She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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