Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
