so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
