Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
