Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
