i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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