my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
