he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
