I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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