3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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