and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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