You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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