Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
