Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
