I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
