the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
