WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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