I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
