3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
