Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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