you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
