I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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