the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
