I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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