I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
