Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
