haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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