yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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