Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she looked like the before picture.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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