My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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