I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
