I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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