bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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