epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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