Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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