GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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