She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Your shirt... Was in my pants