Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
