If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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