I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year