Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately