OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.