mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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