Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.