ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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