Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its about making memories worth repressing
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
