This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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