Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
