so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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