Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do vagina's smell?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
