pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
