if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
