Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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