Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
