Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
