JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
