i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
