I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize