What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
