he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
