so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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