He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
