this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
