babies were throwing up all over the place
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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