I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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