im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
