how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
