I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
